Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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