he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
