He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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