i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
