she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
