just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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