it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
