there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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