My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
