I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
