she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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