Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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