Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
