We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
