I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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