Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
