Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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