ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
