I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
