I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
