So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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