How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
