So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Are we still banned from the library?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
