Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
