Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's the barista slut.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
