She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
