True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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