Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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