the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
