went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
