I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
