Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
