After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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