now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
