sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
