never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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