put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
