TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
