U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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