I skipped work to stalk him.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
