He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What a dumb baby whore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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