I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
