I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
