Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
