Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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