census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
