That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
