now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
