As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
