i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
