Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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